Episode 1 (Season 9): When Feedback Makes an Employee Cry… And You… What the Hell Happens Now?

Episode overview

Published September 11, 2026

Giving corrective feedback is one thing. Knowing what to do when the employee reacts badly is another. What happens when they say the write-up is unfair, start crying, get angry, walk out, ask who complained, or refuse to sign?

In this episode of What The Hell Just Happened!?, Paul Edwards and CeCe Delgado talk through the part of Progressive Corrective Coaching that managers are rarely prepared for: the reaction after the feedback. They break down how to keep the conversation productive without becoming defensive, backing away from the issue, or matching the employee’s emotion.

They also explain how CEDR’s FIRR Method© gives the conversation structure, why documentation changes the discussion when an employee says “this is the first I’m hearing about it,” when it makes sense to give someone space to cool off, and what an employee’s signature on corrective documentation actually means.

In this episode:

  • Your employee starts crying, and suddenly you’re wondering if you went too far. Do you back off or keep the conversation moving?
  • They swear this is the first time they’ve heard about the problem, and now you’re questioning whether you handled it correctly in the first place.
  • Your employee gets angry and walks out. Are you supposed to follow them, let them cool off, document it, or start thinking about termination?
  • They refuse to sign the write-up, and now you’re sitting there wondering whether the whole conversation even counts.

Learn more:

1
00:00:03.880 –> 00:00:07.040
You’re about to listen to an episode of What
the Hell Just Happened?

2
00:00:07.200 –> 00:00:11.560
Narrator: Join Paul Edwards and his guests as they
discuss interesting HR topics and solve some

3
00:00:11.560 –> 00:00:13.760
Narrator: of our listeners submitted questions.

4
00:00:13.920 –> 00:00:18.520
Paul Edwards: And occasionally I’ll go off topic to talk
about whatever I want.

5
00:00:18.560 –> 00:00:22.640
Paul Edwards: Think barbecue, space exploration,
growing your business,

6
00:00:22.920 –> 00:00:24.800
Paul Edwards: and things that interest all of us.

7
00:00:26.880 –> 00:00:30.360
Paul Edwards: Hey, in today’s show,
we’re going to kind of go down the front

8
00:00:30.400 –> 00:00:34.120
Paul Edwards: lines and talk about giving people feedback.
Mostly negative feedback will give you a few

9
00:00:34.120 –> 00:00:37.360
Paul Edwards: scenarios. There’s a little bit of a human
condition here.

10
00:00:37.360 –> 00:00:41.480
Paul Edwards: We’ve got some methodologies,
and by the end of the show I will probably

11
00:00:41.480 –> 00:00:46.000
Paul Edwards: cause a few divorces. So I hope you enjoy
what goes on today.

12
00:00:46.200 –> 00:00:47.520
Paul Edwards: On what the hell just happened.

13
00:00:47.560 –> 00:00:51.200
Paul Edwards: All right. We’re just going to kind of jump
into today’s show. But before we do, I just

14
00:00:51.200 –> 00:00:59.200
Paul Edwards: want to say that I’m going to rename what the
hell just happened to in front of one fern?

15
00:01:00.180 –> 00:01:04.100
Paul Edwards: There was a. There. If you ever saw Zach
Galifianakis.

16
00:01:04.100 –> 00:01:05.340
Paul Edwards: I can’t even say his name.

17
00:01:05.980 –> 00:01:07.900
Paul Edwards: He had a great show Between Two Ferns.

18
00:01:07.940 –> 00:01:09.060
CeCe Delgado: I’ve seen clips from it.

19
00:01:09.100 –> 00:01:10.100
Paul Edwards: We have one.

20
00:01:10.140 –> 00:01:11.260
CeCe Delgado: We have one fern. It’s not

21
00:01:11.260 –> 00:01:12.260
CeCe Delgado: a fern. There’s a fern.

22
00:01:12.260 –> 00:01:12.900
Paul Edwards: It’s some.

23
00:01:12.900 –> 00:01:13.740
CeCe Delgado: Monstera.

24
00:01:13.740 –> 00:01:14.700
Paul Edwards: It’s a monstera.

25
00:01:14.700 –> 00:01:15.340
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

26
00:01:15.340 –> 00:01:16.860
Paul Edwards: On either side of a monstera.

27
00:01:17.100 –> 00:01:22.060
Paul Edwards: Whatever. All right. On this episode of What
the Hell Just Happened?

28
00:01:22.100 –> 00:01:26.500
Paul Edwards: CeCe and I are going to go into kind of a,
I don’t know,

29
00:01:26.540 –> 00:01:28.420
Paul Edwards: I don’t know if it’s a touchy subject or not.

30
00:01:29.180 –> 00:01:34.340
Paul Edwards: We’re going to talk about feedback,
but more specifically I think CeCe has some

31
00:01:34.340 –> 00:01:39.460
Paul Edwards: knowledge to drop on us on kind of what to do
when you give someone coaching and they,

32
00:01:39.460 –> 00:01:41.260
Paul Edwards: and it doesn’t come back very well.

33
00:01:41.260 –> 00:01:45.020
Paul Edwards: So. Yeah. Some of the examples that we’re
going to give you,

34
00:01:45.060 –> 00:01:48.380
Paul Edwards: I mean, include things like you,
you talk to them and,

35
00:01:48.420 –> 00:01:51.260
Paul Edwards: you know, you’ve talked to us and we’re like,
you need to get them to acknowledge that this

36
00:01:51.260 –> 00:01:54.100
Paul Edwards: has happened. They’re like,
I ain’t signing that. Or I’m taking it home

37
00:01:54.140 –> 00:01:55.980
Paul Edwards: to my lawyer or whatever that looks like.

38
00:01:56.020 –> 00:01:57.460
CeCe Delgado: Or like we’ve seen employees do.

39
00:01:57.500 –> 00:01:59.230
CeCe Delgado: I know my rights. I don’t have to stay here.

40
00:01:59.270 –> 00:02:02.030
Paul Edwards: I don’t have to stay here. I don’t have to do
any of this. Or they leave in the middle of

41
00:02:02.030 –> 00:02:04.670
Paul Edwards: the shift because they’re mad. Before I get
into this,

42
00:02:04.670 –> 00:02:10.910
Paul Edwards: though, I do want to preface this with,
people receiving feedback is difficult in and

43
00:02:10.950 –> 00:02:14.990
Paul Edwards: of itself. So, you know,
frame of mind, context,

44
00:02:14.990 –> 00:02:17.910
Paul Edwards: how they’re feeling. I don’t want to go too
deep into this.

45
00:02:17.910 –> 00:02:20.870
Paul Edwards: Maybe I do. I mean, how you were raised,
like,

46
00:02:20.910 –> 00:02:23.750
Paul Edwards: you know, not all of us were raised to
receive feedback.

47
00:02:23.750 –> 00:02:26.470
Paul Edwards: And sometimes it feels personal,
even when it’s not.

48
00:02:26.510 –> 00:02:31.350
Paul Edwards: Yeah. People who give feedback aren’t always
the best at giving it and it feels more

49
00:02:31.350 –> 00:02:35.470
Paul Edwards: accusatory. People likewise,
who receive it feel accused,

50
00:02:35.470 –> 00:02:37.790
Paul Edwards: even sometimes when you’re like,
I’m really not,

51
00:02:37.830 –> 00:02:40.150
Paul Edwards: I’m just trying to talk to you about this
problem.

52
00:02:40.230 –> 00:02:43.310
Paul Edwards: Yeah. I think at the heart of this CeCe,
we,

53
00:02:43.510 –> 00:02:47.110
Paul Edwards: we came up with this,
this method, which I think is kind of an

54
00:02:47.110 –> 00:02:50.110
Paul Edwards: awesome method because we’ve kept it for over
a decade.

55
00:02:50.870 –> 00:02:52.430
Paul Edwards: It’s called the FIRR Method©.

56
00:02:53.150 –> 00:02:56.190
Paul Edwards: And it’s basically, you know,
you state a fact,

57
00:02:56.470 –> 00:03:00.330
Paul Edwards: you talk about the impact You talk about the
reason,

58
00:03:00.370 –> 00:03:03.450
Paul Edwards: you know, you bring up the reason why we’re
talking about this. You know, why is this

59
00:03:03.450 –> 00:03:06.850
Paul Edwards: important and why is it something that we
need to address with you?

60
00:03:06.850 –> 00:03:08.610
Paul Edwards: And then you try to make a request.

61
00:03:08.890 –> 00:03:14.250
Paul Edwards: And I can even say in some instances,
you could be down a path where you add a C to

62
00:03:14.290 –> 00:03:15.650
Paul Edwards: the and it becomes the FIRRC.

63
00:03:15.650 –> 00:03:19.450
Paul Edwards: And it’s like, hey, the consequence here is,
is if you’re going to continue to not choose

64
00:03:19.450 –> 00:03:22.250
Paul Edwards: to not be here on time,
we’re going to choose not to work together

65
00:03:22.250 –> 00:03:25.690
Paul Edwards: anymore. Right? But that’s not and sometimes
it’s implied.

66
00:03:25.690 –> 00:03:28.770
Paul Edwards: And I think sometimes actually people feel
that there’s a,

67
00:03:29.050 –> 00:03:31.290
Paul Edwards: it’s a threat when you don’t,
as an employer,

68
00:03:31.290 –> 00:03:32.690
Paul Edwards: intend for it to be a threat.

69
00:03:32.810 –> 00:03:37.250
Paul Edwards: So if you don’t know about the FIRR Method©,
we’re going to put in the show notes so that

70
00:03:37.250 –> 00:03:39.490
Paul Edwards: you can link into it and kind of take a look
at it.

71
00:03:39.930 –> 00:03:45.250
Paul Edwards: I have used this with friends when I’ve had
to have a conversation with them.

72
00:03:45.250 –> 00:03:48.210
Paul Edwards: I have had my spouse use it on me.

73
00:03:48.850 –> 00:03:50.050
Paul Edwards: I don’t have her anymore.

74
00:03:50.930 –> 00:03:54.170
Paul Edwards: I. Yeah, you’re like,
just keep talking, Paul.

75
00:03:54.170 –> 00:03:55.850
Paul Edwards: Just dig yourself a hole.

76
00:03:57.630 –> 00:04:01.670
Paul Edwards: You know, I mean, you know,
the fact is, is the way you’re chewing your

77
00:04:01.670 –> 00:04:03.550
Paul Edwards: food right now is really pissing me off.

78
00:04:03.550 –> 00:04:04.270
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

79
00:04:04.270 –> 00:04:06.790
Paul Edwards: And the impact is that it’s pissing me off.

80
00:04:07.030 –> 00:04:11.150
Paul Edwards: And the reason why I’m talking to you is
because, you know, it’s upsetting me. And

81
00:04:11.150 –> 00:04:14.270
Paul Edwards: the, you know, the request is you stop
chewing.

82
00:04:14.310 –> 00:04:16.510
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. And the consequences.

83
00:04:17.310 –> 00:04:19.670
CeCe Delgado: I’m not going to listen to you chew anymore
one way or the other.

84
00:04:19.710 –> 00:04:23.110
Paul Edwards: Yeah, one way or the other. You could choose
to keep doing that. But we were not going to

85
00:04:23.110 –> 00:04:28.190
Paul Edwards: be married anymore. I hope she doesn’t hear
this because she knows.

86
00:04:28.190 –> 00:04:31.350
Paul Edwards: I’m just kidding. I really think the world of
her.

87
00:04:32.430 –> 00:04:35.430
Paul Edwards: Nonetheless, I probably just got myself in
trouble.

88
00:04:36.030 –> 00:04:40.430
Paul Edwards: Look, in the context of work I think to
protect your culture,

89
00:04:40.790 –> 00:04:43.950
Paul Edwards: this is one of those really important things
is to be able to have these kinds of

90
00:04:43.950 –> 00:04:49.910
Paul Edwards: conversations. And from my experience working
with myself and even working with my own

91
00:04:49.910 –> 00:04:55.590
Paul Edwards: managers over time is about nobody wants to
have these conversations.

92
00:04:55.590 –> 00:04:57.960
CeCe Delgado: Yeah, No, I’d rather poke my eyes out.

93
00:04:58.000 –> 00:04:59.720
Paul Edwards: Yeah. Nobody trains you to do it.

94
00:05:00.080 –> 00:05:02.920
Paul Edwards: And I think sometimes that’s why HR people
get a bad rap.

95
00:05:03.440 –> 00:05:06.360
Paul Edwards: Maybe you lose touch with the impact you have
on other people. It’s like, I got to have

96
00:05:06.360 –> 00:05:10.040
Paul Edwards: this conversation with you and we’re going to
go through it in a small business.

97
00:05:10.760 –> 00:05:14.040
Paul Edwards: Like we work with small business being even
50 employees.

98
00:05:14.040 –> 00:05:16.720
Paul Edwards: You see the person that you’ve had tough
conversations with.

99
00:05:16.920 –> 00:05:19.880
Paul Edwards: There’s no, there’s no,
you know, you don’t go hide from people

100
00:05:19.880 –> 00:05:23.000
Paul Edwards: afterwards, right? So you want to get into
some scenarios.

101
00:05:23.000 –> 00:05:23.520
CeCe Delgado: Sure.

102
00:05:23.520 –> 00:05:28.080
Paul Edwards: All right. I’m going to pick the first one.
Okay. The employee feels a write up is

103
00:05:28.080 –> 00:05:31.000
Paul Edwards: unfair. Because this is the first they’re
hearing about it.

104
00:05:31.240 –> 00:05:34.560
Paul Edwards: Or at least that’s what they’re saying.
They’re like, I, I have no idea. I’ve been

105
00:05:34.560 –> 00:05:40.200
Paul Edwards: late 12 times. I have no recollection that
I’ve been in three screaming matches with

106
00:05:40.200 –> 00:05:44.080
Paul Edwards: three different patients over the last four
months.

107
00:05:44.280 –> 00:05:46.680
Paul Edwards: They don’t they don’t remember any of that.
So this is the first that

108
00:05:46.680 –> 00:05:48.240
Paul Edwards: they’ve been notified.

109
00:05:48.240 –> 00:05:49.120
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. Yeah.

110
00:05:49.120 –> 00:05:51.440
Paul Edwards: I feel like I’ve got HR sarcasm going on
here.

111
00:05:51.440 –> 00:05:54.440
Paul Edwards: But that’s going to be what happens probably
during this. Okay.

112
00:05:54.480 –> 00:05:56.260
Paul Edwards: Okay. Valid or not? Yeah.

113
00:05:56.300 –> 00:05:57.820
Paul Edwards: They feel like this isn’t fair.

114
00:05:57.900 –> 00:06:01.100
Paul Edwards: This is the first I’ve heard of it. And oh my
gosh, it’s in writing. And I’ve got

115
00:06:01.100 –> 00:06:02.340
Paul Edwards: to acknowledge.

116
00:06:02.500 –> 00:06:07.020
CeCe Delgado: Yeah, yeah. So I think there’s a lot of ways
people come about it.

117
00:06:07.020 –> 00:06:12.220
CeCe Delgado: And some of them are not the employees fault
and some of them are the way we’re delivering

118
00:06:12.220 –> 00:06:18.700
CeCe Delgado: the feedback and some of it well,
the easiest way to combat that is if we’re

119
00:06:18.740 –> 00:06:21.140
CeCe Delgado: actually taking notes of when we talk to them
about it.

120
00:06:21.140 –> 00:06:21.820
Paul Edwards: In the past.

121
00:06:21.820 –> 00:06:25.180
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. So that instead of the conversation
being,

122
00:06:25.220 –> 00:06:28.140
CeCe Delgado: you know, we’ve talked about this a bunch and
they’re like, no, what?

123
00:06:28.180 –> 00:06:29.780
CeCe Delgado: No, what? What are you talking about?

124
00:06:29.820 –> 00:06:33.140
CeCe Delgado: But if you come and you say,
okay, on, you know,

125
00:06:33.180 –> 00:06:36.340
CeCe Delgado: X date, we talked about this and this is what
we agreed on.

126
00:06:36.340 –> 00:06:40.660
CeCe Delgado: And then on X date, we followed up and this,
this part was still happening or whatever

127
00:06:40.660 –> 00:06:45.100
CeCe Delgado: that looks like. And then on X day,
when you have that documentation and you can

128
00:06:45.100 –> 00:06:49.100
CeCe Delgado: present it in a way that is less your
opinion,

129
00:06:49.500 –> 00:06:50.700
CeCe Delgado: right, than it lands

130
00:06:50.700 –> 00:06:52.140
CeCe Delgado: differently. Yeah, yeah.

131
00:06:52.180 –> 00:06:55.960
Paul Edwards: Okay. So who is? Okay,
so we got to say who this is on.

132
00:06:57.280 –> 00:06:59.440
Paul Edwards: It’s on you as a manager or owner.

133
00:06:59.640 –> 00:07:04.680
Paul Edwards: If they’ve been in three yelling matches with
other people and you haven’t really been

134
00:07:04.680 –> 00:07:07.560
Paul Edwards: sitting down with them going,
you know, even though you kind of I

135
00:07:07.560 –> 00:07:11.800
Paul Edwards: understand why this got off the rails,
but you can’t be the one that escalates this.

136
00:07:11.920 –> 00:07:16.160
Paul Edwards: So if you are not having conversations with
people about them being late or,

137
00:07:16.200 –> 00:07:19.680
Paul Edwards: you know, let’s keep it simple,
let’s keep it something like or not charting

138
00:07:19.680 –> 00:07:22.840
Paul Edwards: something properly or not parking in the
right place.

139
00:07:22.840 –> 00:07:25.800
Paul Edwards: They keep parking where the patients are
supposed to park. If you are not having these

140
00:07:25.800 –> 00:07:30.400
Paul Edwards: conversations, then it’s kind of on you when
they all of a sudden feel ambushed.

141
00:07:30.720 –> 00:07:33.600
CeCe Delgado: Absolutely. And sometimes it’s really simple
stuff like,

142
00:07:33.600 –> 00:07:38.120
CeCe Delgado: hey, you made these typos or some sort of
smaller error.

143
00:07:38.520 –> 00:07:43.760
CeCe Delgado: But if you’re starting to sense that it is a
repetitive thing that the first time you’re

144
00:07:43.760 –> 00:07:45.920
CeCe Delgado: talking to them, it’s not sticking.

145
00:07:46.080 –> 00:07:49.040
CeCe Delgado: Second time is like, oh,
they might have just forgotten. But then when

146
00:07:49.040 –> 00:07:53.000
CeCe Delgado: you’re starting to get to that third and
fourth time, you better start documenting

147
00:07:53.000 –> 00:07:55.090
CeCe Delgado: because it’s going to keep escalating,
right?

148
00:07:55.570 –> 00:08:00.690
CeCe Delgado: You can almost be certain that there’s going
to be a fourth and fifth and sixth and

149
00:08:00.690 –> 00:08:06.090
CeCe Delgado: seventh time. And so if you’re not starting
to arm yourself with that documentation and

150
00:08:06.090 –> 00:08:10.530
CeCe Delgado: even better, something that to remind
yourself how you phrased it,

151
00:08:10.570 –> 00:08:17.610
CeCe Delgado: what you said, some details so that you’re
not trying to recall weeks down the road.

152
00:08:17.850 –> 00:08:19.730
CeCe Delgado: What is it that I specifically said?

153
00:08:19.770 –> 00:08:23.090
CeCe Delgado: And what did I say I was going to follow up?

154
00:08:23.450 –> 00:08:26.090
CeCe Delgado: Or what did I say was going to happen next?

155
00:08:26.690 –> 00:08:32.130
Paul Edwards: When I created our software over at CEDR,
when I created backstageHR® and I started

156
00:08:32.130 –> 00:08:34.410
Paul Edwards: giving its first functionality,
the first thing, one of the first

157
00:08:34.410 –> 00:08:38.890
Paul Edwards: functionalities we gave it beyond upload a
document was being able to put a note.

158
00:08:38.930 –> 00:08:42.850
Paul Edwards: Yeah. And I used to give this hint all the
time to people like to managers.

159
00:08:43.170 –> 00:08:46.250
Paul Edwards: Even if you decide not to say something to
someone,

160
00:08:46.250 –> 00:08:48.570
Paul Edwards: which by the way, I don’t recommend most
time,

161
00:08:48.570 –> 00:08:51.810
Paul Edwards: you’re going to need to get to that quicker
sooner rather than later.

162
00:08:52.130 –> 00:08:57.510
Paul Edwards: But making notes to yourself and sticking it
in that employee’s file about a date and a

163
00:08:57.510 –> 00:09:01.790
Paul Edwards: time and a thing really helps when you go to
speak to what you just said.

164
00:09:01.790 –> 00:09:04.390
Paul Edwards: When you go back in the file and you’re
saying,

165
00:09:04.390 –> 00:09:06.750
Paul Edwards: I got to talk to this employee,
and you look in and go, wow,

166
00:09:06.790 –> 00:09:08.550
Paul Edwards: I really have been making notes.

167
00:09:08.790 –> 00:09:11.790
Paul Edwards: I’ve been thinking about this. There are
other issues that are going on.

168
00:09:12.550 –> 00:09:16.950
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. It really helps when you’re sort of
emotional in the moment when once something

169
00:09:16.990 –> 00:09:22.350
CeCe Delgado: finally blows up and you can sit and say,
am I overreacting to this or do I have a

170
00:09:22.350 –> 00:09:25.190
CeCe Delgado: bigger problem? Yeah,
you can see the whole big picture.

171
00:09:25.230 –> 00:09:29.030
Paul Edwards: Yeah. So when an employee blows up and
they’re like,

172
00:09:30.550 –> 00:09:32.630
Paul Edwards: it’s the first I’m hearing about this. I
mean,

173
00:09:32.630 –> 00:09:34.550
Paul Edwards: what do we do? What’s the what’s the next
step?

174
00:09:34.590 –> 00:09:36.590
Paul Edwards: We’ve talked about what you shouldn’t do.

175
00:09:37.070 –> 00:09:41.430
Paul Edwards: But let’s say, you know,
you’ve done a reasonable job.

176
00:09:41.430 –> 00:09:45.270
Paul Edwards: You’ve talked to them before and they’re and
they just are blowing up about it.

177
00:09:45.310 –> 00:09:47.390
Paul Edwards: How do you get how do you talk them off the
edge?

178
00:09:47.670 –> 00:09:52.330
CeCe Delgado: Well, I, I think any time there’s a real
emotional reaction and that’s one of our

179
00:09:52.330 –> 00:09:56.450
CeCe Delgado: other scenarios. It is a little bit of
empathy can go a long way,

180
00:09:56.650 –> 00:09:59.610
CeCe Delgado: right? We don’t need to push back and argue.

181
00:09:59.770 –> 00:10:01.610
Paul Edwards: I know you’re upset right now. I get it.

182
00:10:01.970 –> 00:10:04.370
Paul Edwards: But this is something that we still have to
talk about.

183
00:10:04.370 –> 00:10:04.970
CeCe Delgado: Exactly.

184
00:10:04.970 –> 00:10:07.490
Paul Edwards: We still have to do something about this.

185
00:10:07.490 –> 00:10:08.010
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

186
00:10:08.010 –> 00:10:11.810
Paul Edwards: Like circle back. Can we circle back in ten
minutes?

187
00:10:11.850 –> 00:10:13.450
Paul Edwards: Can we circle back later today?

188
00:10:13.970 –> 00:10:16.330
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. Maybe, like, why don’t we go home?

189
00:10:16.370 –> 00:10:18.370
CeCe Delgado: If it’s late in the day,
let’s go home tonight.

190
00:10:18.370 –> 00:10:21.650
CeCe Delgado: We’ll cool off. Let’s talk about this a
little clearheaded tomorrow. Come up with a

191
00:10:21.650 –> 00:10:24.130
CeCe Delgado: plan for how we’re going to move forward from
this.

192
00:10:24.170 –> 00:10:27.370
Paul Edwards: I think another thing too,
just thinking about things that I say when

193
00:10:27.370 –> 00:10:30.850
Paul Edwards: I’m teaching courses at universities or I’m
doing whatever,

194
00:10:30.850 –> 00:10:33.650
Paul Edwards: one of the questions comes from the audience.
When we start talking about progressive

195
00:10:33.650 –> 00:10:37.010
Paul Edwards: corrective coaching and documentation and
everything is people are like, well, how do I

196
00:10:37.010 –> 00:10:40.690
Paul Edwards: start this? Like, how do I,
you know, I haven’t been doing this.

197
00:10:40.690 –> 00:10:43.450
Paul Edwards: So as soon as I start doing this thing that
you’re talking about.

198
00:10:43.490 –> 00:10:46.970
Paul Edwards: Yeah. Aren’t people going to kind of be up in
arms and isn’t it going to be,

199
00:10:47.170 –> 00:10:50.450
Paul Edwards: you know, the implications could be kind of
confrontational.

200
00:10:50.870 –> 00:10:53.150
Paul Edwards: And my answer to that is I don’t have a
magic.

201
00:10:53.150 –> 00:10:55.910
Paul Edwards: I don’t have a magic answer to you need to
start doing this,

202
00:10:56.550 –> 00:11:00.750
Paul Edwards: but I do have something that you can use as
you onboard new people,

203
00:11:00.910 –> 00:11:04.750
Paul Edwards: which is to say the words during your first
90 days and beyond.

204
00:11:04.750 –> 00:11:08.350
Paul Edwards: You should expect feedback and it won’t
always be a.

205
00:11:08.670 –> 00:11:11.670
Paul Edwards: I don’t want you to think of it as negative
and positive, but most time when I’m giving

206
00:11:11.670 –> 00:11:14.950
Paul Edwards: feedback, I will focus on times when you’re
getting something right.

207
00:11:15.510 –> 00:11:19.830
Paul Edwards: There are. There will be times that I’m
asking for corrections and it might seem curt

208
00:11:19.830 –> 00:11:22.350
Paul Edwards: or something like that,
because we’re busy and we’re moving from

209
00:11:22.350 –> 00:11:28.430
Paul Edwards: subject to subject and doing things,
but setting them up to expect feedback and

210
00:11:28.430 –> 00:11:33.190
Paul Edwards: then finding ways to really give people
feedback are going to let you know whether

211
00:11:33.190 –> 00:11:34.670
Paul Edwards: they can receive it or not.

212
00:11:35.110 –> 00:11:37.470
Paul Edwards: And if someone immediately becomes defensive,

213
00:11:38.430 –> 00:11:41.230
Paul Edwards: like in their first couple of weeks,
when you give them something,

214
00:11:41.270 –> 00:11:44.790
Paul Edwards: then I would suggest you turn around and come
back and give them feedback again shortly

215
00:11:44.790 –> 00:11:49.390
Paul Edwards: thereafter. And if they’re still defensive
and they’re still if they become combative,

216
00:11:49.430 –> 00:11:51.480
Paul Edwards: they need to go. That’s it.

217
00:11:51.920 –> 00:11:55.200
Paul Edwards: You can’t fix people. I can’t make you take
feedback better.

218
00:11:55.440 –> 00:11:58.440
Paul Edwards: But culturally, I can’t protect everybody
else here.

219
00:11:58.440 –> 00:12:01.600
Paul Edwards: If I can’t tell you, I want you to fix
something.

220
00:12:01.640 –> 00:12:06.200
Paul Edwards: Does that mean that they never get upset or I
never get upset when someone gives me

221
00:12:06.200 –> 00:12:08.920
Paul Edwards: feedback I want to hear,
no, it doesn’t mean that.

222
00:12:10.040 –> 00:12:12.280
Paul Edwards: But anyway, I just thought I’d throw that in
there.

223
00:12:12.320 –> 00:12:15.080
Paul Edwards: Set that expectation. Next scenario.

224
00:12:15.360 –> 00:12:19.160
Paul Edwards: Which one do you want? Which one do you want
to talk about? Which one?

225
00:12:19.160 –> 00:12:20.320
Paul Edwards: The emotional reaction.

226
00:12:20.680 –> 00:12:21.680
Paul Edwards: We just talked about it.

227
00:12:21.680 –> 00:12:22.920
CeCe Delgado: So we talked about that.

228
00:12:23.640 –> 00:12:26.040
CeCe Delgado: I’ll I’ll maybe just add a little bit to
that.

229
00:12:26.080 –> 00:12:31.120
CeCe Delgado: Okay. Just like giving feedback is a skill
that most of us don’t practice enough.

230
00:12:31.160 –> 00:12:33.600
CeCe Delgado: And because it’s really hard,
it’s hard to do and.

231
00:12:33.600 –> 00:12:36.800
Paul Edwards: You don’t get a lot, you don’t get that many
opportunities unless you have kids. But then

232
00:12:36.800 –> 00:12:39.240
Paul Edwards: after a while, you just go,
you just make that noise. You just make some

233
00:12:39.240 –> 00:12:40.360
Paul Edwards: noise at them and point.

234
00:12:40.360 –> 00:12:40.800
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

235
00:12:40.800 –> 00:12:43.680
Paul Edwards: And then shake your fist. And that’s the
feedback they get,

236
00:12:43.680 –> 00:12:46.880
Paul Edwards: which is stop it. You know, I had a friend
who had a dog

237
00:12:46.880 –> 00:12:48.080
Paul Edwards: named stop it, damn it.

238
00:12:49.140 –> 00:12:51.220
CeCe Delgado: But receiving feedback is a skill too.

239
00:12:51.260 –> 00:12:58.860
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. So I think that we see at least I have
seen a lot of times when people’s automatic

240
00:12:58.860 –> 00:13:03.300
CeCe Delgado: response is to cry. They’re younger,
they’re greener in their career,

241
00:13:03.540 –> 00:13:05.580
CeCe Delgado: they’re not as exercised.

242
00:13:05.580 –> 00:13:06.580
Paul Edwards: Jaded as you and I.

243
00:13:07.740 –> 00:13:09.260
CeCe Delgado: At receiving feedback.

244
00:13:09.540 –> 00:13:13.620
CeCe Delgado: And so I think a lot of that is just the
human condition,

245
00:13:13.620 –> 00:13:16.420
CeCe Delgado: right? No one wants to hear they’re doing
something wrong.

246
00:13:16.660 –> 00:13:20.860
CeCe Delgado: For most of us are not probably at our prime
emotional health.

247
00:13:20.860 –> 00:13:24.860
CeCe Delgado: Right. So so some tears or something.

248
00:13:26.140 –> 00:13:33.220
CeCe Delgado: Not as difficult to deal with as somebody who
gets like enraged or super defensive angry.

249
00:13:34.420 –> 00:13:37.660
Paul Edwards: It can be frustrating for a manager to be
trying to give someone feedback.

250
00:13:37.660 –> 00:13:39.540
Paul Edwards: And every time you try to give them feedback,

251
00:13:39.580 –> 00:13:42.860
Paul Edwards: they get upset and they kind of start to cry
because,

252
00:13:42.900 –> 00:13:48.880
Paul Edwards: I mean, nobody wants to make someone cry,
but it disempowers me as a manager if I’m

253
00:13:48.880 –> 00:13:52.360
Paul Edwards: trying to get through to you. And now I’ve
got you upset because again, that’s not what

254
00:13:52.360 –> 00:13:53.960
Paul Edwards: I’m here for. Yeah.

255
00:13:54.280 –> 00:13:57.040
CeCe Delgado: But I can feel a little manipulative
sometimes too.

256
00:13:57.080 –> 00:13:59.320
Paul Edwards: It can, it can to, you know,
from that backwards.

257
00:13:59.320 –> 00:14:01.720
Paul Edwards: But and I don’t think the employee means that
either. No.

258
00:14:01.960 –> 00:14:03.120
CeCe Delgado: Most of the time probably not.

259
00:14:03.160 –> 00:14:05.960
Paul Edwards: I think we had a conversation about this in
the office the other day.

260
00:14:05.960 –> 00:14:09.000
Paul Edwards: We were talking about it. I mean,
I confess that there for a long time,

261
00:14:09.000 –> 00:14:10.960
Paul Edwards: I would tend to tear up a little bit.

262
00:14:11.160 –> 00:14:13.640
CeCe Delgado: I can still remember the first time someone
came to me,

263
00:14:13.640 –> 00:14:15.840
CeCe Delgado: and I’ll say they didn’t do it in the nicest
way.

264
00:14:15.840 –> 00:14:19.280
CeCe Delgado: But man, the second they turned their back,
just you just were crying.

265
00:14:19.320 –> 00:14:21.520
Paul Edwards: Yeah. Well, I mean, I think when I was
sitting there,

266
00:14:21.640 –> 00:14:25.000
Paul Edwards: I mean, I mean, this is years ago because I
am very jaded now. Good luck getting me to

267
00:14:25.000 –> 00:14:28.360
Paul Edwards: cry. I just remember you’re thinking.

268
00:14:28.360 –> 00:14:30.440
Paul Edwards: I don’t want to cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
Yeah.

269
00:14:30.480 –> 00:14:32.280
Paul Edwards: You know, the other person’s going through
that.

270
00:14:32.320 –> 00:14:33.320
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

271
00:14:33.360 –> 00:14:35.360
Paul Edwards: I have also seen people grow out of it.

272
00:14:35.600 –> 00:14:39.600
CeCe Delgado: I have too. Yeah. And it’s a wonderful thing
because that emotional response,

273
00:14:39.600 –> 00:14:41.920
CeCe Delgado: when they’re stuck in it while you’re still
talking,

274
00:14:42.200 –> 00:14:45.760
CeCe Delgado: they can’t hear it. Then they can’t grow as
much from the feedback.

275
00:14:45.760 –> 00:14:51.730
CeCe Delgado: So it is a problem. I mean,
I’ve told people it’s difficult for me to

276
00:14:51.730 –> 00:14:53.970
CeCe Delgado: give you feedback and help.

277
00:14:53.970 –> 00:14:54.330
Paul Edwards: You’re going through this.

278
00:14:54.330 –> 00:14:57.050
CeCe Delgado: Be constructive when your response is to cry.

279
00:14:57.090 –> 00:15:01.210
Paul Edwards: You might sometimes you might ask,
what could I do different here? Or hey,

280
00:15:01.250 –> 00:15:02.650
Paul Edwards: let’s just take two minutes.

281
00:15:02.970 –> 00:15:04.690
Paul Edwards: Let’s just stop for a second. Okay.

282
00:15:04.730 –> 00:15:10.250
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think some people to
have had really bad experiences in the past,

283
00:15:10.250 –> 00:15:14.690
CeCe Delgado: and it causes that because they’re reliving
some sort of pain from.

284
00:15:14.770 –> 00:15:16.970
Paul Edwards: I know what mine is. I remember mine.

285
00:15:17.010 –> 00:15:20.730
Paul Edwards: Yeah. I remember what made me first start to
cry on some kind of feedback.

286
00:15:20.730 –> 00:15:23.650
Paul Edwards: It was just kind of, you know,
it was a childhood thing.

287
00:15:23.810 –> 00:15:25.890
Paul Edwards: And I at the time, you would never know.

288
00:15:25.890 –> 00:15:28.890
Paul Edwards: But I can look back and I’m like,
I think that’s the thing that just kind of

289
00:15:28.930 –> 00:15:32.050
Paul Edwards: carried forward. Any time I felt accused of
something,

290
00:15:32.410 –> 00:15:34.250
Paul Edwards: which was how I received feedback.

291
00:15:34.690 –> 00:15:39.490
Paul Edwards: Military family here. I would just kind of
default to that thing.

292
00:15:39.690 –> 00:15:42.850
Paul Edwards: So again, you got to still run your business.

293
00:15:42.850 –> 00:15:44.690
Paul Edwards: You still got to give people feedback.

294
00:15:44.970 –> 00:15:47.670
Paul Edwards: Just know that a lot of people receive it
that way.

295
00:15:47.990 –> 00:15:50.190
CeCe Delgado: I’ve had people who have requested.

296
00:15:50.590 –> 00:15:55.510
CeCe Delgado: And so that’s something you could also offer
if you have somebody who has this trouble.

297
00:15:57.270 –> 00:16:00.070
CeCe Delgado: Just give me a heads up that we’re going to
be having a hard conversation so I

298
00:16:00.070 –> 00:16:01.110
CeCe Delgado: can get in that headspace.

299
00:16:01.110 –> 00:16:01.990
Paul Edwards: Cry before I get in.

300
00:16:01.990 –> 00:16:04.470
CeCe Delgado: Here. Yeah. So they can come in prepped to.

301
00:16:04.510 –> 00:16:08.110
CeCe Delgado: I know I’m going to hear something that might
make me cry.

302
00:16:08.150 –> 00:16:09.470
Paul Edwards: That might make me cry. Yeah.

303
00:16:09.510 –> 00:16:11.030
Paul Edwards: Not not such a bad thing.

304
00:16:12.030 –> 00:16:17.590
Paul Edwards: So this is different crying and what we’ll
call emotional is different than anger.

305
00:16:17.630 –> 00:16:20.870
Paul Edwards: Yeah. Than, than, you know,
that just that general pushback and that

306
00:16:20.870 –> 00:16:26.990
Paul Edwards: anger that comes up. So let’s talk about
anger.

307
00:16:26.990 –> 00:16:27.710
CeCe Delgado: Okay.

308
00:16:27.710 –> 00:16:32.390
Paul Edwards: Okay. I mean, the ways that I’ve seen this
and I’ve seen this so many times over the

309
00:16:32.390 –> 00:16:36.790
Paul Edwards: last 20 years come in from a,
you know, an HR help request where an

310
00:16:36.790 –> 00:16:43.070
Paul Edwards: employee just walks out on a shift because
they’re so angry or and we’ll talk about this

311
00:16:43.070 –> 00:16:46.050
Paul Edwards: last one a little more detail,
but I’ll just mention it. They like, won’t

312
00:16:46.050 –> 00:16:47.690
Paul Edwards: sign the right up. They’re so mad.

313
00:16:47.730 –> 00:16:49.290
Paul Edwards: They’re so mad about what’s going on.

314
00:16:49.490 –> 00:16:52.650
Paul Edwards: And I think what immediately comes out is,
what about.

315
00:16:52.650 –> 00:16:53.210
CeCe Delgado: Mhm.

316
00:16:53.210 –> 00:16:54.730
Paul Edwards: And you name someone else?

317
00:16:55.370 –> 00:16:57.130
Paul Edwards: What about this? What about that?

318
00:16:57.170 –> 00:17:00.930
Paul Edwards: Yeah. What do we do about that person who
storms out?

319
00:17:00.930 –> 00:17:05.650
Paul Edwards: Or who gets so angry that,
you know, you feel like again,

320
00:17:05.650 –> 00:17:07.650
Paul Edwards: it’s a different form of they can’t hear you
anymore.

321
00:17:07.690 –> 00:17:11.210
CeCe Delgado: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well,
the first thing is let them leave if they’re

322
00:17:11.210 –> 00:17:15.730
CeCe Delgado: trying to walk out or they’re pissed off,
just let them go.

323
00:17:15.770 –> 00:17:17.370
Paul Edwards: Let them go. Don’t get in front of them.

324
00:17:17.650 –> 00:17:21.810
CeCe Delgado: Yeah, yeah. And you just stop trying to
reason with them at that point.

325
00:17:21.810 –> 00:17:23.490
CeCe Delgado: Let them go. Let them cool off.

326
00:17:23.490 –> 00:17:27.850
CeCe Delgado: And then I mean, now you’ve got two problems
to deal with because you can’t just walk out

327
00:17:27.890 –> 00:17:31.610
CeCe Delgado: mid shift. Right. But let it happen.

328
00:17:31.610 –> 00:17:35.130
CeCe Delgado: You don’t want to put yourselves or your
patients in the crossfire.

329
00:17:35.450 –> 00:17:36.450
CeCe Delgado: It’s not worth it.

330
00:17:36.450 –> 00:17:38.690
Paul Edwards: So you’re looking for cooler heads to
prevail.

331
00:17:38.690 –> 00:17:39.610
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

332
00:17:39.610 –> 00:17:45.740
Paul Edwards: I also want you to be careful about
reflecting when someone gets really mad the

333
00:17:45.740 –> 00:17:48.140
Paul Edwards: tendency, I don’t know for other people,
but for me,

334
00:17:48.180 –> 00:17:51.580
Paul Edwards: again, military family match it,
match it, you match,

335
00:17:51.620 –> 00:17:56.500
Paul Edwards: you match that power. Especially if you’re
like moving from place to place.

336
00:17:56.500 –> 00:18:00.860
Paul Edwards: And so every time as a male,
you landed in a new school in a new place,

337
00:18:01.020 –> 00:18:04.020
Paul Edwards: the first person you met was the,
the town bully.

338
00:18:04.380 –> 00:18:08.300
Paul Edwards: And I learned to match aggression with more
aggression.

339
00:18:08.740 –> 00:18:12.380
Paul Edwards: And that transcends into the rest of your
life sometimes.

340
00:18:12.660 –> 00:18:15.540
Paul Edwards: And fortunately, my parents saw it and they
got me some help on it.

341
00:18:15.540 –> 00:18:17.780
Paul Edwards: But I’m just saying human condition.

342
00:18:17.780 –> 00:18:18.980
Paul Edwards: This happens in the world.

343
00:18:18.980 –> 00:18:22.100
Paul Edwards: And when someone’s learned to match
aggression with aggression,

344
00:18:22.580 –> 00:18:25.180
Paul Edwards: even if you aren’t being aggressive as the
manager,

345
00:18:25.180 –> 00:18:27.180
Paul Edwards: that might be the thing that you get back.

346
00:18:27.220 –> 00:18:31.940
Paul Edwards: And I’m just going to say this again,
I don’t think you can talk someone out of

347
00:18:31.980 –> 00:18:34.580
Paul Edwards: that. I’m not sure you can train them out of
it.

348
00:18:34.580 –> 00:18:38.900
Paul Edwards: And if that’s who they are,
you have found another type of person who

349
00:18:38.900 –> 00:18:43.640
Paul Edwards: might not be a fit for your style of
management and your need for constant

350
00:18:43.640 –> 00:18:47.280
Paul Edwards: improvement or for, you know,
the standards in healthcare have to be

351
00:18:47.280 –> 00:18:51.840
Paul Edwards: maintained. You can’t have people getting mad
just because you tell them they’ve got to,

352
00:18:51.880 –> 00:18:54.120
Paul Edwards: you know, fix something or correct something.

353
00:18:54.160 –> 00:18:55.160
CeCe Delgado: Right.

354
00:18:55.320 –> 00:18:57.440
Paul Edwards: I like this one. I never thought of it.

355
00:18:57.480 –> 00:19:00.200
Paul Edwards: They investigate who complained about them.

356
00:19:00.560 –> 00:19:02.800
Paul Edwards: So who? Who narcked me out here?

357
00:19:02.960 –> 00:19:07.480
Paul Edwards: Who? Who? This. There’s no way you know about
this as my manager.

358
00:19:07.640 –> 00:19:09.160
Paul Edwards: And they already know.

359
00:19:09.600 –> 00:19:12.640
Paul Edwards: They already know who they suspect did this.

360
00:19:12.800 –> 00:19:16.320
Paul Edwards: So they go out on a personal investigation,
which is going to be fabulous.

361
00:19:16.360 –> 00:19:18.880
Paul Edwards: I’m telling you, it’s going to be great for
the team, morale,

362
00:19:18.920 –> 00:19:20.480
Paul Edwards: for morale, the team and everything

363
00:19:20.480 –> 00:19:21.640
Paul Edwards: else. What do you do?

364
00:19:21.840 –> 00:19:24.240
CeCe Delgado: Well, I’ve seen that manifest in a few
different ways.

365
00:19:24.240 –> 00:19:28.120
CeCe Delgado: Sometimes it’s a person who’s,
like, pissed off and which one of you told on

366
00:19:28.120 –> 00:19:32.560
CeCe Delgado: me. Sometimes it there’s some element of,
I think,

367
00:19:32.560 –> 00:19:35.680
CeCe Delgado: being genuine where they’re like,
who did I upset?

368
00:19:35.680 –> 00:19:37.280
CeCe Delgado: And I want to make it better.

369
00:19:37.440 –> 00:19:40.560
CeCe Delgado: So I don’t think it’s always nefarious,
but either way,

370
00:19:40.560 –> 00:19:43.460
CeCe Delgado: it’s not good. It’s it’s never okay.

371
00:19:43.860 –> 00:19:47.460
CeCe Delgado: Sometimes we have to be careful depending on
what the content of the conversation is.

372
00:19:47.460 –> 00:19:50.860
CeCe Delgado: Right? Because if they’re talking about like,
hey, this thing happened to me and I’m not

373
00:19:50.860 –> 00:19:53.620
CeCe Delgado: happy about it. Do you guys experience that?

374
00:19:54.020 –> 00:19:58.780
CeCe Delgado: They do have some ability to talk about those
things in the

375
00:19:58.780 –> 00:20:00.660
CeCe Delgado: office, but when it’s.

376
00:20:00.700 –> 00:20:03.460
Paul Edwards: Wait, wait, wait, I want to back,
back up. I want to make that what you just

377
00:20:03.460 –> 00:20:05.700
Paul Edwards: said more clear. Restate what you just said.

378
00:20:05.820 –> 00:20:10.460
CeCe Delgado: So if my going after my coaching is going to
my teammates and saying,

379
00:20:10.660 –> 00:20:13.980
CeCe Delgado: hey, this is what just happened to me,
they’re telling me this.

380
00:20:14.140 –> 00:20:17.060
Paul Edwards: Oh, gotcha. And your investigation is,
is are you being.

381
00:20:17.100 –> 00:20:18.100
CeCe Delgado: Yes.

382
00:20:18.100 –> 00:20:19.820
Paul Edwards: Did. You’re late all the time.

383
00:20:19.860 –> 00:20:21.700
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. Are you experiencing this,
too?

384
00:20:21.740 –> 00:20:23.420
Paul Edwards: Did you get in trouble for being late? Yeah.

385
00:20:23.460 –> 00:20:28.580
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. Yeah. That’s a different sort of a
conversation that they’re having with their

386
00:20:28.700 –> 00:20:32.220
CeCe Delgado: coworkers, right? And they have the right to
talk about what’s going on in the workplace.

387
00:20:32.220 –> 00:20:33.540
CeCe Delgado: What’s happening to them? Yep.

388
00:20:33.580 –> 00:20:38.820
CeCe Delgado: And that is depending on the content,
because there’s a way it can go left.

389
00:20:38.820 –> 00:20:41.020
CeCe Delgado: And if it’s just stirring up trouble.

390
00:20:41.110 –> 00:20:42.550
Paul Edwards: It’s different than who told on me.

391
00:20:42.590 –> 00:20:45.070
CeCe Delgado: Yes. Yes. Then you know some of that.

392
00:20:45.310 –> 00:20:47.350
CeCe Delgado: There’s not a lot that we can do about it.

393
00:20:47.990 –> 00:20:53.750
CeCe Delgado: But the. Who told on me or who’s doing this
or how did they find out about it is a very

394
00:20:53.750 –> 00:20:57.110
CeCe Delgado: different conversation that we don’t have to
let happen.

395
00:20:57.430 –> 00:21:00.910
CeCe Delgado: And in a lot of times,
it’s our duty to protect the rest of the

396
00:21:00.910 –> 00:21:06.710
CeCe Delgado: employees. In fact, from that person digging
in and harassing them and trying to find out

397
00:21:07.270 –> 00:21:11.710
CeCe Delgado: who went and appropriately let management
know that something was going on.

398
00:21:11.750 –> 00:21:13.668
Paul Edwards: Isn’t this like the hardest thing CeCe?

399
00:21:13.668 –> 00:21:19.790
Paul Edwards: Because you you need to address the problem,
but you know,

400
00:21:19.790 –> 00:21:23.990
Paul Edwards: it’s going to be, it’s going to cause a stink
fest out there amongst the group and that

401
00:21:23.990 –> 00:21:26.550
Paul Edwards: this person tends to go out and stir the pot
after,

402
00:21:26.590 –> 00:21:28.310
Paul Edwards: after you’ve had a conversation with them.

403
00:21:28.350 –> 00:21:33.270
CeCe Delgado: I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to
go back to somebody who disclosed something

404
00:21:33.270 –> 00:21:36.270
CeCe Delgado: and had to say, listen,
there was no way for me to address that

405
00:21:36.270 –> 00:21:38.270
CeCe Delgado: without throwing you under the bus a little
bit.

406
00:21:38.910 –> 00:21:41.650
CeCe Delgado: Here’s the damage control I tried to do.

407
00:21:41.690 –> 00:21:42.770
CeCe Delgado: Right, but need you to be

408
00:21:42.770 –> 00:21:44.530
CeCe Delgado: aware. Yeah, this is.

409
00:21:44.570 –> 00:21:46.170
Paul Edwards: And I’m flying cover for you right now.

410
00:21:46.210 –> 00:21:48.170
Paul Edwards: Yeah. If it gets in, if anything comes of it,

411
00:21:48.170 –> 00:21:49.530
Paul Edwards: don’t you just need to let me know?

412
00:21:49.530 –> 00:21:50.250
CeCe Delgado: Exactly.

413
00:21:50.250 –> 00:21:53.690
Paul Edwards: I think to something that I try to do as a
manager,

414
00:21:54.130 –> 00:21:56.690
Paul Edwards: I think I’ve we’ve talked about this,
you know,

415
00:21:56.730 –> 00:22:01.890
Paul Edwards: between you and I is I will if I can,
I will try to provide cover.

416
00:22:02.290 –> 00:22:09.010
Paul Edwards: I will claim to have I will find a way that I
could have possibly found the problem myself

417
00:22:09.290 –> 00:22:11.810
Paul Edwards: and I will try to put myself in that
position.

418
00:22:12.690 –> 00:22:15.290
Paul Edwards: And try and take other people out of the line
of fire.

419
00:22:15.690 –> 00:22:19.970
Paul Edwards: I will also, you know,
I think this goes back to the what about ism.

420
00:22:20.210 –> 00:22:22.730
Paul Edwards: If I’m feeling frisky enough in the
conversation,

421
00:22:22.730 –> 00:22:25.570
Paul Edwards: I might say to them at the end of it,
you make no mistake here.

422
00:22:25.570 –> 00:22:26.770
Paul Edwards: This is between you and me.

423
00:22:26.770 –> 00:22:28.970
Paul Edwards: And this is a conversation we’re having right
now.

424
00:22:29.130 –> 00:22:32.090
Paul Edwards: And I don’t need you walking out of here and
causing even more problems.

425
00:22:32.130 –> 00:22:35.050
Paul Edwards: Yeah. you know, at that point,
I’m trying to get I’m trying to get

426
00:22:35.050 –> 00:22:36.690
Paul Edwards: somebody’s attention. Okay.

427
00:22:36.730 –> 00:22:38.090
Paul Edwards: I’ve seen this scenario a lot.

428
00:22:38.130 –> 00:22:40.470
Paul Edwards: You’ve moved. I’ll do the whole scenario.

429
00:22:40.870 –> 00:22:45.150
Paul Edwards: You have raised up an employee to manager and
you have.

430
00:22:45.190 –> 00:22:46.990
Paul Edwards: What do we. We did that podcast on it.

431
00:22:46.990 –> 00:22:47.430
Paul Edwards: We.

432
00:22:47.430 –> 00:22:48.190
CeCe Delgado: The Peter principle.

433
00:22:48.190 –> 00:22:53.550
Paul Edwards: Yeah. The Peter principle. You literally set
them up to fail and they manage the way that

434
00:22:53.550 –> 00:22:55.270
Paul Edwards: they were treated as a kid.

435
00:22:55.830 –> 00:22:57.350
Paul Edwards: And that wasn’t great.

436
00:22:57.350 –> 00:23:00.030
Paul Edwards: And so their parental,
they have no management skills.

437
00:23:00.030 –> 00:23:04.110
Paul Edwards: What they do have is the ability to be there
on time and be accountable around the duty,

438
00:23:04.150 –> 00:23:07.430
Paul Edwards: their own duties. But they’re terrible at
managing other people.

439
00:23:07.830 –> 00:23:12.990
Paul Edwards: Your team picks a leader out there somewhere
to come to you and tell you what the problems

440
00:23:12.990 –> 00:23:18.950
Paul Edwards: are, and now you have a real problem because
you have a duty to protect that team.

441
00:23:18.950 –> 00:23:22.270
Paul Edwards: So it’s tough to say now I got to go out and
tell this person,

442
00:23:22.310 –> 00:23:23.750
Paul Edwards: you’re not doing a good job.

443
00:23:24.630 –> 00:23:27.510
Paul Edwards: Here’s the problems. These are the
improvements you got to get. And that person

444
00:23:27.510 –> 00:23:30.190
Paul Edwards: walks out feeling like the entire team just
attacked them.

445
00:23:31.590 –> 00:23:36.510
Paul Edwards: Again, I don’t have a magic solution for this
other than to go back to the better the,

446
00:23:36.550 –> 00:23:41.330
Paul Edwards: the better you are at hiring and keeping
people who can receive feedback and give good

447
00:23:41.330 –> 00:23:42.770
Paul Edwards: feedback. The better off you’re going to be
in the long run.

448
00:23:42.770 –> 00:23:43.770
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

449
00:23:43.890 –> 00:23:47.370
Paul Edwards: Yeah. The final one is my favorite.

450
00:23:48.970 –> 00:23:51.570
Paul Edwards: This is the person who won’t sign,
you know,

451
00:23:51.610 –> 00:23:54.050
Paul Edwards: and by the way, everybody,
this is HR lesson.

452
00:23:54.050 –> 00:23:55.890
Paul Edwards: We’ve taught it over and over again.

453
00:23:56.290 –> 00:23:58.050
Paul Edwards: We’re not asking you to agree to it.

454
00:23:58.090 –> 00:24:00.410
Paul Edwards: Right. We are not asking you.

455
00:24:00.570 –> 00:24:03.250
Paul Edwards: We’re not asking you to agree to it.

456
00:24:03.250 –> 00:24:06.570
Paul Edwards: As in you’re signing an agreement that you
did this this bad thing.

457
00:24:06.570 –> 00:24:08.490
CeCe Delgado: I did this… Yeah.

458
00:24:08.530 –> 00:24:12.090
Paul Edwards: We don’t even need you to agree that what you
did was wrong.

459
00:24:12.370 –> 00:24:13.930
Paul Edwards: We’re not getting you to agree.

460
00:24:13.970 –> 00:24:19.530
Paul Edwards: All we want is for you to sign a piece of
paper acknowledging that we had the

461
00:24:19.530 –> 00:24:23.130
Paul Edwards: conversation, whether it’s correct or not.

462
00:24:23.170 –> 00:24:27.690
Paul Edwards: We just need you to acknowledge. Now,
I know in the heat of upset and receiving

463
00:24:27.690 –> 00:24:33.730
Paul Edwards: negative feedback, someone may not be able to
make that distinction between between the two

464
00:24:33.730 –> 00:24:36.250
Paul Edwards: things. That’s kind of my my point where I’m
like,

465
00:24:36.250 –> 00:24:40.140
Paul Edwards: I’m if you’re not going to acknowledge that
we had the conversation that I don’t know how

466
00:24:40.140 –> 00:24:43.500
Paul Edwards: we go forward. Yes. But again,
we talked in an earlier scenario,

467
00:24:43.500 –> 00:24:45.340
Paul Edwards: sometimes cooler heads prevail.

468
00:24:45.620 –> 00:24:49.340
Paul Edwards: And so just because you say,
you know, I’m not signing this.

469
00:24:51.940 –> 00:24:53.660
Paul Edwards: Other gestures usually come into that.

470
00:24:53.700 –> 00:24:57.460
Paul Edwards: If you’re watching the YouTube channel,
you can see what they are. I’m just kidding.

471
00:24:57.500 –> 00:24:58.980
Paul Edwards: Sometimes cooler heads prevail.

472
00:24:59.340 –> 00:25:02.820
Paul Edwards: There’s nothing wrong with giving somebody a
little bit of space and coming back and

473
00:25:02.820 –> 00:25:04.660
Paul Edwards: having a conversation with them.

474
00:25:04.940 –> 00:25:07.460
Paul Edwards: And, and then maybe in a calmer way,
be able to say,

475
00:25:07.460 –> 00:25:12.020
Paul Edwards: look, I just I’m asking you to just
acknowledge that we had the conversation. You

476
00:25:12.020 –> 00:25:14.700
Paul Edwards: know, your other choices are to have
witnesses in the room and in a small

477
00:25:14.700 –> 00:25:16.100
Paul Edwards: business. That’s not great.

478
00:25:16.340 –> 00:25:21.940
Paul Edwards: Yeah. It’s not absolutely necessary that you
hold them down and make them sign the piece

479
00:25:21.940 –> 00:25:23.700
Paul Edwards: of paper. But I guarantee you, if they’re not
willing to

480
00:25:23.700 –> 00:25:25.060
Paul Edwards: acknowledge the conversation, they’re not.

481
00:25:25.180 –> 00:25:29.180
CeCe Delgado: They’re not going to improve from it. Yeah.
But you could make a note.

482
00:25:29.220 –> 00:25:30.540
CeCe Delgado: We talked on this date.

483
00:25:30.540 –> 00:25:33.820
CeCe Delgado: They refused to sign it and put that in their
file and put that there.

484
00:25:34.020 –> 00:25:39.480
CeCe Delgado: But I mean, I think the other thing that
helps is having a policy in your handbook so

485
00:25:39.480 –> 00:25:43.840
CeCe Delgado: that they know what to expect if they get a
write up at some point that.

486
00:25:43.880 –> 00:25:44.880
Paul Edwards: We’re going to ask.

487
00:25:44.880 –> 00:25:47.800
CeCe Delgado: You, your expectation is it’s an
acknowledgment.

488
00:25:47.840 –> 00:25:51.720
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. And doesn’t mean you agree and you have
a,

489
00:25:52.000 –> 00:25:53.640
CeCe Delgado: an ability to respond to it.

490
00:25:53.680 –> 00:25:55.880
Paul Edwards: Yeah. We’ve had employees that won’t sign the
employee handbook.

491
00:25:55.880 –> 00:25:56.800
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. Yeah.

492
00:25:56.800 –> 00:26:01.520
Paul Edwards: And we’re like, but there’s a policy in the
handbook that says that if you won’t

493
00:26:01.560 –> 00:26:04.240
Paul Edwards: acknowledge documents,
that could be a reason why we don’t work with

494
00:26:04.240 –> 00:26:07.040
Paul Edwards: you anymore. Yeah. And then they and then
they go,

495
00:26:07.080 –> 00:26:08.560
Paul Edwards: well, I didn’t sign it.

496
00:26:09.000 –> 00:26:11.640
Paul Edwards: And we’re like, okay,
good.

497
00:26:11.680 –> 00:26:13.680
Paul Edwards: Not a good point. Doesn’t help.

498
00:26:13.720 –> 00:26:15.880
Paul Edwards: It’s a policy. It still applies to you.

499
00:26:16.440 –> 00:26:20.200
Paul Edwards: So you know, when someone won’t sign a write
up,

500
00:26:20.240 –> 00:26:22.160
Paul Edwards: you have these choices that we just gave you.

501
00:26:23.080 –> 00:26:24.680
Paul Edwards: You can’t make them sign it.

502
00:26:24.720 –> 00:26:27.240
Paul Edwards: Right. You can’t make them receive feedback.

503
00:26:27.280 –> 00:26:32.520
Paul Edwards: I think depending on what it is that you’re
talking to them about them not signing and

504
00:26:32.520 –> 00:26:37.060
Paul Edwards: acknowledging. I think for the most part
elevates this to a place where you’re

505
00:26:37.060 –> 00:26:38.900
Paul Edwards: probably not going to be able to go forward.

506
00:26:38.940 –> 00:26:42.100
Paul Edwards: Yeah. And if they do sign it,
it’ll be malicious,

507
00:26:42.700 –> 00:26:47.940
Paul Edwards: you know. Compliance. Did we solve anything
here today?

508
00:26:48.780 –> 00:26:49.780
CeCe Delgado: I hope so.

509
00:26:49.780 –> 00:26:50.460
Paul Edwards: I think we.

510
00:26:50.460 –> 00:26:51.940
CeCe Delgado: I think we gave people some.

511
00:26:52.260 –> 00:26:53.460
Paul Edwards: We feel your pain out there.

512
00:26:53.980 –> 00:26:56.620
CeCe Delgado: But. Yes. Yeah, yeah. It happens to all of
us.

513
00:26:56.660 –> 00:27:00.420
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. Even the most skilled at giving
feedback.

514
00:27:00.460 –> 00:27:01.580
CeCe Delgado: This stuff happens to.

515
00:27:01.620 –> 00:27:04.300
Paul Edwards: Because you’re talking to people who are not
skilled,

516
00:27:04.420 –> 00:27:05.940
Paul Edwards: skilled at receiving it.

517
00:27:05.980 –> 00:27:12.020
CeCe Delgado: Absolutely. Yeah. And so many other factors
could be at play than you’re giving feedback.

518
00:27:12.220 –> 00:27:13.740
CeCe Delgado: There could be something at home.

519
00:27:13.780 –> 00:27:15.100
Paul Edwards: Really bad things could be going on.

520
00:27:15.140 –> 00:27:20.500
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. I mean, we, we just don’t obviously
always know all of the details that someone’s

521
00:27:20.500 –> 00:27:23.540
CeCe Delgado: receiving the feedback through that lens.

522
00:27:23.580 –> 00:27:28.860
Paul Edwards: Yeah. Human side. Try to approach these
things with as much compassion as you

523
00:27:28.860 –> 00:27:36.710
Paul Edwards: possibly can. I think being really clear in
what you plan to say and I think that really

524
00:27:36.710 –> 00:27:39.710
Paul Edwards: helps a little, a little bit of rehearsal
sometimes.

525
00:27:39.710 –> 00:27:42.710
CeCe Delgado: I was just going to say,
I think saying it out loud.

526
00:27:42.990 –> 00:27:44.790
Paul Edwards: To maybe yourself.

527
00:27:44.790 –> 00:27:45.190
CeCe Delgado: Or.

528
00:27:45.190 –> 00:27:46.350
Paul Edwards: Your spouse or somebody.

529
00:27:46.350 –> 00:27:50.190
CeCe Delgado: Else. Yeah. Just even if it’s just a couple
of minutes before they come in and you’re by

530
00:27:50.190 –> 00:27:53.230
CeCe Delgado: yourself and you just let yourself actually
say the words.

531
00:27:53.230 –> 00:27:55.910
CeCe Delgado: Yeah, it can really help in the moment.

532
00:27:55.950 –> 00:27:59.910
CeCe Delgado: If, if you’re nervous or,
you know, for whatever reason,

533
00:27:59.910 –> 00:28:02.390
CeCe Delgado: this message is harder to, to deliver if
you’ve

534
00:28:02.430 –> 00:28:03.670
CeCe Delgado: actually practiced saying it.

535
00:28:03.670 –> 00:28:08.350
Paul Edwards: Yeah, compassion, a little practice,
have a little script.

536
00:28:08.630 –> 00:28:12.150
Paul Edwards: Sometimes there’s a few things there to help
your notes, like we talked about before. So

537
00:28:12.150 –> 00:28:15.830
Paul Edwards: you can kind of be confident in what it is
and the reason why you’re giving this kind of

538
00:28:15.830 –> 00:28:20.670
Paul Edwards: feedback, all these things being well
organised around this will help you if you’re

539
00:28:20.670 –> 00:28:23.270
Paul Edwards: just don’t want to do this and you’re awful
at it,

540
00:28:23.550 –> 00:28:25.350
Paul Edwards: it’ll help you be a little bit better.

541
00:28:25.750 –> 00:28:29.350
Paul Edwards: If you’re decent at doing this,
it’ll just make you that much more effective

542
00:28:29.350 –> 00:28:34.850
Paul Edwards: with someone. And remember,
not everyone minds It not.

543
00:28:34.850 –> 00:28:35.970
Paul Edwards: Not everybody minds.

544
00:28:36.010 –> 00:28:38.570
CeCe Delgado: They they love it. They acknowledge they want
it.

545
00:28:38.610 –> 00:28:40.090
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. Yeah. And that they need it.

546
00:28:40.130 –> 00:28:41.490
Paul Edwards: They don’t want to be beat up on.

547
00:28:41.490 –> 00:28:42.810
Paul Edwards: But they want feedback.

548
00:28:42.810 –> 00:28:46.730
Paul Edwards: And the more you go, the better you get at
giving constructive feedback.

549
00:28:46.970 –> 00:28:51.930
Paul Edwards: And I’ll tell you, a way to give constructive
feedback is to give feedback about something

550
00:28:51.930 –> 00:28:53.930
Paul Edwards: that someone has done that is good.

551
00:28:54.890 –> 00:28:57.770
Paul Edwards: And don’t create a, what we call the poop
sandwich,

552
00:28:57.970 –> 00:29:00.290
Paul Edwards: which is, you know, you’re great,
but.

553
00:29:01.210 –> 00:29:02.330
Paul Edwards: And we love you.

554
00:29:02.330 –> 00:29:03.130
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

555
00:29:03.130 –> 00:29:05.530
Paul Edwards: You know, that’s the poop sandwich.

556
00:29:05.530 –> 00:29:08.290
Paul Edwards: You don’t wrap it. You don’t wrap negative
feedback in anything.

557
00:29:08.290 –> 00:29:13.930
Paul Edwards: But the practice of giving feedback and
giving positive feedback can help you frame

558
00:29:13.930 –> 00:29:16.290
Paul Edwards: negative feedback in a more positive way.

559
00:29:16.290 –> 00:29:16.810
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

560
00:29:16.810 –> 00:29:22.250
Paul Edwards: I mean, inside of the FIRR Method©,
what we talk about there’s a place there

561
00:29:22.410 –> 00:29:25.690
Paul Edwards: where you’re, you’re able to say,
look, I know that you’re not,

562
00:29:25.730 –> 00:29:28.370
Paul Edwards: you’re not intentionally being late all the
time.

563
00:29:28.770 –> 00:29:31.210
Paul Edwards: I know that you’re not intentionally doing
this thing.

564
00:29:31.250 –> 00:29:35.550
Paul Edwards: You’re recognizing that there that this is
not something that they wake up in the

565
00:29:35.550 –> 00:29:37.030
Paul Edwards: morning thinking about doing.

566
00:29:37.070 –> 00:29:41.790
CeCe Delgado: Yeah. And you’ve done this thing I’ve asked
you to do correctly before,

567
00:29:41.790 –> 00:29:43.110
CeCe Delgado: so I know you’re capable.

568
00:29:43.150 –> 00:29:44.470
Paul Edwards: That’s one of my favorite ones.

569
00:29:44.590 –> 00:29:46.150
Paul Edwards: Yeah. That’s like turning it on him.

570
00:29:46.150 –> 00:29:46.550
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

571
00:29:46.550 –> 00:29:48.110
Paul Edwards: You know, you’ve been on time a lot.

572
00:29:48.150 –> 00:29:49.150
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

573
00:29:49.910 –> 00:29:51.950
Paul Edwards: I know you’re capable of being on time.

574
00:29:51.990 –> 00:29:56.310
Paul Edwards: Yeah. CeCe, I think we’ve told them
everything we know right now.

575
00:29:56.670 –> 00:29:59.990
Paul Edwards: If you’re listening to the show and you’re
feeling good about some of the things you

576
00:30:00.030 –> 00:30:02.510
Paul Edwards: learned that we do tell your friends.

577
00:30:02.830 –> 00:30:06.990
Paul Edwards: We love it when you go on any of the channels
and you rate the show.

578
00:30:07.510 –> 00:30:09.950
Paul Edwards: Please make it a five,
right?

579
00:30:09.950 –> 00:30:10.430
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

580
00:30:10.430 –> 00:30:11.270
Paul Edwards: Not a three.

581
00:30:11.270 –> 00:30:11.910
CeCe Delgado: Yeah.

582
00:30:11.910 –> 00:30:13.990
Paul Edwards: I don’t need I don’t need any negative
feedback,

583
00:30:14.030 –> 00:30:18.070
Paul Edwards: y’all. So if you get I don’t, I, I will, I
will cry if any of

584
00:30:18.070 –> 00:30:19.150
Paul Edwards: you give me a one.

585
00:30:19.190 –> 00:30:21.950
CeCe Delgado: We will do a whole episode on how pissed off
we are.

586
00:30:21.990 –> 00:30:26.590
Paul Edwards: Well, and we know who you are on Google and
we may anyway,

587
00:30:26.590 –> 00:30:30.790
Paul Edwards: we’ll do an investigation and you will suffer
for outing us.

588
00:30:30.790 –> 00:30:32.880
Paul Edwards: That telling everybody that our show sucks.

589
00:30:34.160 –> 00:30:36.800
Paul Edwards: Look, I I hope you got a little bit out of
this.

590
00:30:36.840 –> 00:30:39.760
Paul Edwards: We try to share the frontline battle stories
every now and then.

591
00:30:40.800 –> 00:30:42.480
Paul Edwards: And good luck out there.

592
00:30:42.800 –> 00:30:47.080
Paul Edwards: And download the FIRR Method© and try it on
your wife and see how it works.

593
00:30:48.800 –> 00:30:52.200
Paul Edwards: That’s what. What the hell just happened is I
just caused a few divorces out there.

594
00:30:52.840 –> 00:30:54.480
Paul Edwards: I will see you on the next show,
guys.

595
00:30:58.360 –> 00:31:01.680
Narrator: Thanks for joining us for this week’s episode
of What the Hell Just Happened?

596
00:31:01.720 –> 00:31:05.480
Narrator: Do Paul and yourself a favor and please share
the podcast with your network.

597
00:31:05.480 –> 00:31:09.120
Narrator: If you have an HR issue question or just want
to add a comment about something,

598
00:31:09.160 –> 00:31:14.960
Narrator: Paul said, please record it on your phone and
send it to podcast at w th just.com.

599
00:31:15.240 –> 00:31:19.000
Narrator: We might even ask if we can play it on the
show. You can also visit WTF Just

600
00:31:19.000 –> 00:31:22.520
Narrator: happened.com to learn more about the show and
join our HR community.

601
00:31:22.800 –> 00:31:26.160
Narrator: (Transcribed by Sonix.ai – Remove this message by upgrading your Sonix account)
Don’t forget to like and subscribe and join
us again next week.

Email questions or comments for Paul at podcast@wthjusthappened.com

Contact Us

Friendly Disclaimer: This information is general in nature and is not intended to provide legal advice or replace individual guidance about a specific issue with an attorney or HR expert. The information on this page is general human resources guidance based on applicable local, state, and/or federal U.S. employment law that is believed to be current as of the date of publication. Note that CEDR is not a law firm, and as the law is always changing, you should consult with a qualified attorney or HR expert who is familiar with all of the facts of your situation before making a decision about any human resources or employment law matter.

Related reading from the HR basecamp blog

A Blog Written by CEDR, written by HR Experts to help you run your practice.

View all posts

No Tax on Overtime? What Employers Need to Know (OBBBA FAQ)

Mar. 25, 2026

Did overtime become tax-free? No. The law created a federal income tax deduction for the premium portion of qualifying overtime...

I-9 Readiness for 2025: How to Prepare Your Business For a Visit From ICE

Feb. 5, 2025

Employers have always needed to be vigilant about complying with immigration laws, most especially with federal I-9 forms and E-Verify...

Excessive Unpaid Time Off, Bathroom Breaks, and Cell Phone Use

Jul. 1, 2024

You can generally require that an employee use their paid vacation time toward any time off they take.